Six Sentence Sunday #3

I’ve decided to try signing up for SSS this week instead of just posting something.  The following excerpt is from Swamp Gas.  Next week, I’ll go back to posting from Jasper City.

This takes place in the swamps near a war-torn US city.  The protagonist Stelle encounters an injured man during a distress cal:

“Stelle moaned through the gas mask, holstering her weapon.  She knelt down and examined the man’s body.  His skin was several shades of red, and blistered.  What Stelle took to be cold chills were actually violent muscle twitches, indicating serious nerve damage.  It was only a matter of time before the chemicals he inhaled killed him.  

Stelle quickly opened her pack and produced a second gas mask.”

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8 thoughts on “Six Sentence Sunday #3

  1. Hey! Popping over from CC to check out your excerpt J

    What year does the story take place in?

    Might I make a humble suggestion? Instead of “quickly opened her pack” maybe use a strong verb like “yanked”. Often, adverbs add a weak element and I think in this scene you want to keep things strong.

    Fascinating snippet though. Am very curious how Stelle got to that spot and whether or not the guy pulls through.

  2. Got to love a good Samaratan. I just hope her rescue effort doesn't backfire. “No good deed shall ever go unpunished.” It's also great making the acquaintance of another SF writer. I'll remember your name.
    –Kimberly K. Comeau

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