This Weekend Writing Warriors excerpt is taking a short break from the Jasper series in favor of my plans for NaNoWriMo this year. It began as a contest entry which I’m still polishing, and once finished I’d decided it would be a good fit for a NaNo novel. So once again I’m going t rebel against the standard rules, having inadvertently written a small portion of the opening chapter.
Dismembered is about two killers who leave pieces of their victims in plain sight, but the bodies as a whole are nowhere to be found. Detective Miguel Mancini and his new partner have their work cut out for them to determine whether victims are still alive and identifiable, much less track down who attacked them.
In the opening scene, a young girl finds a human tooth inside a gumball machine.
The associates behind the desk gasped; he guessed the woman hadn’t seen fit to show them after all.
“What the hell?” Brian shook the bubble. Inside, the bloodied tooth rattled. The spectators around them showed mixed reactions of horror. One woman swooned.
The little girl piped up, ignorant of or ignoring the spectacle. “Can I still get a gumball?”
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Omigosh, putting the tooth in a gumball machine – frightening, shocking,and so engaging specially when the little girl's innocence is still focused on getting her gumball. Well done.
Yeah that's a great way to show contrast without being obvious. I'm a bit disappointed not to see more of Jasper, but NaNo tends to interrupt people's usual projects so it's understandable. This new one sounds challenging to write and creepy fun for us readers!
Love the mundane with the macabre! Great use of the 8's.
OMG, what a great 8!! Love the little girl's reaction…so great. This sounds like a fun story! (I dig the macabre)
Definitely what a child would say…intriguing premise for the book…effective snippet!
The little girls reaction made me giggle. So cute, and all the ugly just flew right over her head, bless her!
Nice contrast of the horror with innocence. Keeps the reader on her toes.
I love the little girl. She still wants a gumball, what does she care about a tooth.
Sounds like a great concept–poor detectives don't even know if they're looking for graves or kidnapping victims.
the innocent mouths of kids. cant wait to hear more on this case
How did that tooth get there in the first place?
That little girl is so innocent.