Weekend Writing Warriors: Dismembered

This Weekend Writing Warriors excerpt is taking a short break from the Jasper series in favor of my plans for NaNoWriMo this year.  It began as a contest entry which I’m still polishing, and once finished I’d decided it would be a good fit for a NaNo novel.  So once again I’m going t rebel against the standard rules, having inadvertently written a small portion of the opening chapter.
Dismembered is about two killers who leave pieces of their victims in plain sight, but the bodies as a whole are nowhere to be found.  Detective Miguel Mancini and his new partner have their work cut out for them to determine whether victims are still alive and identifiable, much less track down who attacked them.
In the opening scene, a young girl finds a human tooth inside a gumball machine.

The associates behind the desk gasped; he guessed the woman hadn’t seen fit to show them after all. 

“What the hell?” Brian shook the bubble. Inside, the bloodied tooth rattled. The spectators around them showed mixed reactions of horror. One woman swooned. 

The little girl piped up, ignorant of or ignoring the spectacle. “Can I still get a gumball?”

10 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors: Dismembered

  1. Omigosh, putting the tooth in a gumball machine – frightening, shocking,and so engaging specially when the little girl's innocence is still focused on getting her gumball. Well done.

  2. Yeah that's a great way to show contrast without being obvious. I'm a bit disappointed not to see more of Jasper, but NaNo tends to interrupt people's usual projects so it's understandable. This new one sounds challenging to write and creepy fun for us readers!

  3. I love the little girl. She still wants a gumball, what does she care about a tooth.

    Sounds like a great concept–poor detectives don't even know if they're looking for graves or kidnapping victims.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s